Faerie Midwife

Sunrise

2011-02-20T16:04:00.004+08:00

With all the weird hours I do, I'm up at ridiculous times. The other morning I was driving to work and the sun was coming up. It was a gorgeous sunrise, up from, behind the hills, so I took photos! Well, Kian took one cos I was driving. I didn't have my camera, but used my phone instead, so apologies for quality! I think they still look great though :)

Here they are!

Tattoos

2011-02-10T12:36:00.004+08:00

I have a slight addiction to tattoos. I only have 3. But there's so many more that I want!! The first one that I got is a dragonfly in between my shoulder blades. I don't have a very good photo of this one, but will put up what I have! I got the dragonfly 5 years ago, it symbolises growth and change for me.
My second tattoo is my sons name on my left inner wrist.

My third tattoo is a stork delivering a baby on my right inner wrist, this symbolises of course, the fact that I'm a midwife :)

Spring has sprung!

2010-09-20T12:25:00.010+08:00

Yesterday 19/9/10 was an awesome spring day. I HAD to be outside in the sunshine and fresh air. It was awesome, check out my beautiful pics!

All taken at Araluen Botanic Park.

I want to go back here

2010-08-20T13:16:00.006+08:00

We love our holidays and always want to go back to places we love. Except there are more and more places that we want to go back to! This was a holiday where I took my son out of school for a week and explored the southwest. Nothing like a bit of unschooling fun! He calls the days where I let him stay home from school 'unschooling days'. Here are some photos depicting the fun and what we learned. I want to go back to this place now!!!

Gorgeous rainbow in the spray of the crashing waves

This guy tried to steal our breakfast!

Too cute baby kangaroos

Climbing the Gloucester Tree

Having fun digging trenches

Nothing like reading the danger signs!

Adults and kids were having fun falling down the sand dunes. Climbing back up them was the hard part!
Here we discussed the ripple effect

Washing hands with soap bush

Friday 13th

2010-08-13T14:07:00.004+08:00

Friday the 13th and I should share a beautiful story of when my grandmother visited me after her death.

Three years ago today my grandmother died. They say there is never a right time for a death, but some times are better suited than others. It was a week after I started employment in a new place and I wasn't sure I'd be able to go to Ireland for her funeral. Of course work was fine with it and told me to go, there was no issues there. However it was also a few months after I had moved house and lots of stuff was still in boxes. I had no clue where our passports were. I had used them about five months before, to celebrate becoming a midwife, and after moving house, I hadn't seen them. I assumed they were where I always kept them, but nope, not there. I spent two days searching my house top to bottom. Every drawer, every cupboard, every box. They were nowhere to be found.

I said goodbye to my mum and sisters at the airport. I wanted to go, but of course, with no passports, my son and I couldn't. That night I was very upset. I did a Tarot spread and all signs were pointing to me flying to Ireland for her funeral, but I didn't trust my readings because I knew I couldn't find the passports. I was working myself up into more and more of a state. I searched and re-searched my entire house. Nothing.

I finally fell asleep late that night and I dreamt of my grandmother. We were walking through my house, we went out to the enclosed back patio where I had left some unpacked boxes. We went over to one of them, lifted a few things out and then she picked up our passports, still in the travel wallet from the visit five months ago, and handed them to me. I woke up after that, with a sense of calm and knowing. I knew where I would find the passports, and that my son and I would be flying to Ireland for her funeral. I dropped my son to school, and as soon as I came home, I went out to that box in the back room, exactly where it was in my dream, a box that I know I had searched about three times already, and low and behold, that's where they were. I rang a family friend who's a travel agent and booked our flights. When school was over I picked up my son and told him to pack a bag. We left the next morning at around 5am.

And even though it was for a funeral and I travelled all that way to only stay a week, it was one of the best holidays I had in Ireland. And I thank my grandmother for allowing me to have that experience and to be there for her funeral.

Mum and my sisters airplane

Gorgeous archway under a bridge in the town nan lived

My son swinging on the swingset out the back of nans place

Kids say the darndest things

2010-08-05T19:00:00.002+08:00

Ok, so I have a million and one things I could write in here!!! But this is just a sample of more to come. My darling son is 10 years old. He has said many things that makes me laugh or embarrass me over those 10 years.

I think it's a childs job to make sure as parents you have those cringeworthy moments. As it's a parents job to give your child a kiss in front of all their friends and shout "I love you sweetie!" to your child as they are heading into school, or across the playground.

These 2 relate to bodily functions. Things that children find so hilarious!

Scenario 1 - My son was 6 turning 7, we were flying to Ireland to visit family after I graduated as a midwife. We were sitting in a crowded airport terminal waiting to board for our next flight, and my darling, delightful, gorgeous son, starts blowing in his hands to make fart sounds. Loudly. I'm quietly trying to "shhh" him, to tell him that this wasn't the place for those noises and he could do them all he wanted once we got to Dublin and into Grandads car. And he comes out with a loud voice "MUM!!! Stop farting!! That's disgusting!!! Oh MUM that STINKS!!!!" Slowly people start to move away from us, and before we knew it, we had a few metre radius with no one sitting near us. Thanks son. I love being embarrassed like that.

Scenario 2 - This happened a few days ago, when this same boy is 10. He insisted that I sit on his lap, just to play, he likes to see how much weight he can tolerate. Anyway, I went to sit on him and I farted. Really this time, not like in the previous scenario. His reaction was priceless. In mock disgust - "Mother! How could you, that's so disgusting!" I just said "You're so horrified? You? The boy who will come sit on my lap just so he can fart on me?" His response? "But mother I am a child! I have my whole life ahead of me!!" What on Earth?? I'm only 29, it's not like I'm 30!!! Yet.

He has grown up to have a brilliant sense of humour. With a grandfather like his though, that's not difficult. I think this child of mine needs acting classes. Not to learn how to act of course, but to help further that lovely creativity of his.

When have children in your life embarrassed you or said hilarious things? Please share!!

Supanova 2010

2010-06-30T16:40:00.005+08:00

Here in Perth there is a pop-culture convention called Supanova. I was sooooo impressed with this years line up, that I HAD to go. For the third year in a row :)

I got to meet Eliza Dushku from Dollhouse, Buffy and many more things (those are just the most important ones) and Summer Glau from Firefly, Serenity, Dollhouse and Terminator: Sarah Connor chronicles, well, maybe more things, but thats all I know about. There were also Charisma Carpenter from Buffy and Angel, Dichen Lachman from Neighbours and Dollhouse (yes, this seemed to be the year of all things Whedon - so not complaining!!!). There was also some werewolf called Sam Uley - also known as Chaske Spencer.

Many people dressed up, I love seeing everyone dressed up as all sorts of characters! My son dressed up as Riley from Buffy and his mate was Angel :)

Summer Glau let me take a photo of her when I met her, but Eliza Dushku wouldn't let me, she said I could pay $50 for a photo of her and me, no thanks, I'm a cheapskate! I managed to get one crappy photo of her, but my friend as an awesome camera and got some good pics, so I'll share them when I can! In person Eliza is even cuter looking than on tv, she looks so sweet, those cute lil dimples are awesome! Summer was just so lovely and sweet, I was more excited to meet Eliza, but after meeting them both, I'm happier I got to meet Summer. I'm so glad I got to go, and I was totally in geek heaven!

They even had Tru Blood for sale! Turns out it's a carbonated blood orange flavoured energy drink, no wonder the vamps love it on True Blood! LOL.

Check out my pics (not so great - I was so excited I didn't slow down enough to make sure I was taking good ones).

Coincidence? Perhaps not.

2010-05-05T12:21:00.002+08:00

So I have negleted this blog pretty badly. That last post on Mumford and Sons was a "quick I want to post something!" post. And as I wrote, I had wanted to post a different song, but Winter Winds was the one that loaded the fasted, and I do like that song. Well, the next day I was driving to work and listening to that CD and heard that song 'properly' for the first time.

The first few lines were exactly how I felt when I was with my sons father and subsequently fell pregnant with my son.

"As the Winter Winds, litter London with lonely hearts,
Oh the warmth in your eyes, swept me into your arms,
Was it love or fear of the cold that led us through the night?
For every kiss your beauty trumped my doubt"

When people asked me how I ended up pregnant with my son whilst on a working holiday in Ireland, I often said it was because it was too cold to do anything else! Strange. Maybe that's the reason for the high teenage pregnancy rate? Or could that be that it just seems higher because to terminate a pregnancy there is illegal? I do remember thinking more teenagers must fall pregnant in Ireland because there seemed to be young parents everywhere I went. But perhaps not. I also may have just noticed them more because I was 18 and pregnant at the time. Maybe I should research it and find out!

Coincidence? - when I posted the last post about 'Winter Winds' that was actually the night, 11 years ago, when my boy was conceived. I only realised it when I heard that song properly the next day. I remember the night really well, and the circumstances that led to us 'christening' selected rooms in the three story house, instead of clubbing like we were supposed to be. Of course at the time I never imagined I would end up pregnant. Heaven forbid sex should lead to pregnancy?! LOL. It's amazing how just a few weeks later, my life changed forever.

Mumford & Sons - Winter Winds

2010-04-22T23:22:00.001+08:00

After months of Little Lion Man, especially as it came top of Triple J's hottest 100, followed by The Cave getting decent airplay on the radio, I decided this band seemed decent enough to buy their album 'Sigh No More'. I bought it a few weeks ago and it never made it into the house. I put it straight into the car cd player and it hasn't come out since. I do a lot of driving, so I have listened to it over and over and so has my son. Our favourite is Thistle and Weeds but that wouldn't load and I was too impatient to wait. I will do that one another time! But this one is also fantastic. Well, every single song on the album is AMAZING and I love them all. When I first heard the song 'Sigh No More' I wasn't all that impressed, but it grew on me, especially halfway through the song where it changes and the lyrics sing "Love, will not betray, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free, be more like the man, you were made to be" I feel like they are speaking to me, except woman not man for me of course! I hope you enjoy them too!!!

Sunset

2010-04-16T23:33:00.004+08:00

Nothing beats a Perth sunset. The only thing better is when it's a sunset on a beach!

Perthpocalypse 22/3/2010

2010-03-30T12:55:00.006+08:00

On the 22 March, just over a week ago, we got hit by some CRAZY ass weather. We hadn't had rain in 4 months, and then we got 4 times the March average in a 2hour period. So as you can imagine this caused all sorts of chaos. Before it got really bad, it was just some thunder and lightning and rain, my house started to leak, my front door was hidden behind a waterfall. I knew it was going to get bad because 20minutes earlier I had been on the phone to work and a colleague told me it was crazy there. More than just a storm. So I did what any sane person would do. I switched the power off, jumped in my car with my son, my laptop, a sweater, and a drinkbottle, and drove for the undercover carpark of the local shopping centre. Where, I tucked my car in near the far back corner and decided to wait it out.

Why? Because I figured with all the water coming into my house before 'the bad', my ceiling might collapse, or my house might get flooded and hey, I just didn't want to be home if that happened. I knew I could sleep at friends or families houses if I needed too, but I also knew I wasn't going to drive in that weather again. I was going to wait til it stopped, and I was prepared to sleep in my car if need be.

Lucky the first storm front passed before nighttime, so we went home to find that the ceiling was fine - yay! But my carpet was soggy and the waterfall and extended from the front door, all along the loungeroom wall and to my bedroom, and it was all damp there. Joy. I knew another front was coming because Perthies on twitter kept tweeting about #Perthpocalypse and the pockmarks all over their cars from hail, so we got back in the car and this time it was close to dinner so we waited the weather out at a local fastfood chain. Turns out so did half of Perth, which was evident by the very long wait before we could order, and the fact they were running out of supplies - but we got our food! The next front wasn't so bad at all, but we just sat there for ages playing games, I had my phone for twitter, my boy had his Nintendo DS. All was good. We returned home to find the house in the same condition we left it in and went straight to bed. The next day, boy had the day off and we started the clean up and got to take some pictures of the aftermath.

Yes MUCH more happened and the storm caused natural disaster zone areas in Perth, my area was not one of those luckily. So everything you see in these pics is not even as bad as it was. This is just how bad it was near me.

Pretties

2010-03-16T12:17:00.004+08:00

Found some green in Perth. I'm so used to everything being brown before the rain comes!

Moral Dilemma. Where do you stand?

2010-03-07T18:34:00.008+08:00

You may or may not have heard about the 24yo mum from Perth, Western Australia who has been refused her second liver transplant. If you know the story please reserve judgement for a moment and read the story as is.

She is a gorgeous young woman, she has two young children. She had her first liver transplant last year, but that liver is failing and without another, she will die within months. It seems simple doesn't it? Put her on the donor list and hope a liver becomes available to her before she dies. (According to this article three people in W.A. died last year whilst waiting for a liver transplant, and 19 were performed). But apparently "...doctors at Sir Charles Gairdner Hospital have told her parents, they cannot consider her for a second transplant." How? Outrageous! This young mother will DIE if she doesn't get it. Knowing this much of the story, is that how you would feel? It's certainly how I felt. But...

What if I was to tell you that the reason she needed the liver transplant in the first place was due to approximately 12 years of subtance abuse and addiction? 12 years!?! Thats half her life. That means she was 12 when she started. (That fills me with a different sort of compassion, what 12yo starts using amphetamines and heroin???) The reason her second liver failed was because she CONTINUED her substance abuse. After a person destroys one liver and gets a second chance would they not realise the danger she poses to herself? And now she's pleading and begging for a second chance? This was the reaction of many. I was opposed to her having the second liver transplant, not from the drug abuse point of view, but because last year three people died waiting for a liver. Those three people never got the chance to have a donor liver at all. What about the people on the list this year? When do they get their chance? Should this woman get a second liver transplant before any of them get a first? I think I'd be OK with it, if everyone else on the donor list got one before she did, all in the timeframe before she dies.

The government has come up with a solution found here. She has received a loan from the government for an absurd amount so she can fly to Singapore and have a live liver transplant from a family member. I think this is a brilliant solution, even if it is from our taxes, she deserves to live if she gets the chance. She gets her new liver and her third chance to live, and the people on the donor list here don't have anyone queue jumping. But where does it end? Will the government foot the bill for another transplant if she uses drugs again and her liver fails (despite assurances that she wont)? Will they offer the loan to any of the other people waiting for livers? Many people are still against this option.

My darling idealistic son was among the group of people thought she should go on the organ donor list here and get a new liver, even after he found out she uses drugs. He said "but she has children, she needs to live for them." (Oh I love my boy so) After discussion about organ donations and transplants he did think it was unfair that she should queue jump. And he also thought the government loan was a good option. He did however think the whole situation is unfair.

But she's a mother. But she's a drug addict. But she's human.

A favourite photo of mine

2010-03-04T01:44:00.003+08:00

Why did the chicken cross the road?

2010-03-03T13:29:00.004+08:00

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cos she just picked up and was leading the rooster back to her place!

On one of the many holidays my son and I have had 'down south', I had to stop in the middle of the road to allow the chicken to cross, then of course, the rooster was following her. One of those opportune moments to snap. Sorry about the quality, it was with my old camera and through the front windscreen! Such a cute moment though, I just had to share!

The Homebirth Story Of Jye!

2010-02-27T15:47:00.011+08:00

I met Tracey when her first child was about a week old. He was the first baby my son paid much attention to, and he was fascinated by him. My son was 2.5yrs old, so thats nearly 8 years ago now. I asked Tracey if she would mind sharing her homebirth story with us, and here it is! Thanks Trace xxx

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Tracey @ http://crazybeautiful.secretmothersclub.com

I'm so excited to be doing my very first guest post here at My Faerie Midwife! Not only that, but I also get to write about something I'm passionate about - Homebirth!

The idea of having a homebirth never crossed my mind at first. I'd had my first baby at 18 and was a bit naive about the whole thing, I knew HOW the baby would come out and to expect it to hurt, but that was about it. My first and second births were quite tramatic really. There was lots of intervention and I lost faith in myself and my body to be able to birth my babies without the need of drugs to get them out!

3 years later I was expecting my third baby. I wanted it to be different, I wanted to do it on my own. So I went off to hospital at the first signs of labour and was lucky to be there on a quiet night with a wonderful midwife who understood my wishes to have as natural a birth as possible. It was calm and things progressed nicely as they should. When it got to the point where I felt like it was too much, she suggested labouring in the bath for a while. Fantastic! Only by the time the bath was filled - my babe was earthside! No matter, I actually DID it on my own, no drugs and no intervention. Faith had been restored.

It was only a mere 9 months later that I got married and conceived on our honeymoon. This time I opted for the family birth centre instead. The fear was gone now. I booked into the centre after visiting and being informed that I should be allowed to birth in water. After hearing that, I was determined this child of mine was going to be born into the water! Imagine my dismay at 19 weeks when I went for my first visit only to be told I was absolutely not allowed to give birth in the water*. I was so disappointed, but decided to explore my options. Surely someone, somewhere would let me have the birth I wanted. This was the time that I discovered the wonderful world of homebirth. I immediately sent in my application to a government funded program and hoped and prayed that I got accepted. Places fill up very fast and at 20 weeks the chances of getting a spot were pretty slim. There was no need to worry though because I got a very prompt reply and a few short weeks later, I met my midwife Mary**. She was fantastic, guiding me through the ins and outs of what to expect. I looked forward to meeting with her every appointment and she was very maternal towards me - always giving me the biggest hug when she left.

Our meetings were so different to the hospital. She'd stay at least an hour and we'd talk about all sorts of things - the birth, my previous births, different tests (plenty of info so I could make an informed decision) - she got to know my kids. I got to know her and I knew she'd be a welcome addition to our birthing space when the time came.

And so the days rolled on and I had a few false starts (embarrassing I know, after 3 children!). My due date came and went. I tried not to stress about it because I felt like it was going to make the wait even longer. I will admit that I did feel a little anxious, I was frightened of being transferred to the hospital if things didn't go according to plan. At 40 weeks and 5 days - my first 'overdue' baby - I woke at around 3am to a mildly painful surge. After the false starts I had, I couldn't help but to smile to myself. That was most definitely a real one. I rolled over and hugged my husband while he slept, I didn't want to wake him yet but I was practically bursting at the seams knowing that our little boy would be earthside that day. I squished down the excitement as much as possible and tried to go back to slep. So different to the rush of getting the car packed and other kids off to be babysat and then drive to the hospital. My birth space was ready, the kids were fast asleep. I could just enjoy this special moment. While I dozed, was woken a few times by surges. It was around 5.30am that I decided to wake my husband. He then went about calling his mum before she got ready for work, so that she could come over and get the kids ready for school. We phone Mary around 6ish to tell her that things were happening and we decided she should come over. My babies don't tend to hang around in the womb for too long once they decide it's time to come out.

The surges kept coming. I can't tell you how far apart they were, I didn't feel it necessary to time them, just as my midwife felt it wasn't necessary to do any internal examinations - my babe would come when he was good and ready. I got hubby to fill the birth pool, which was conveniently beside my bed. The candles were lit and the oil burner going. It was very serene if you ignored the TV going quietly in the background. I was already in the birthing pool by the time Mary came and I gently laboured away. My surges were nothing like what I've experienced before, they came in clusters - three on top of each other and then a big break. I moved around in the water a lot but didn't want to get out, it was tough getting out to use the toilet and I tried so hard to be quick so that I wouldn't have a surge on dry land - it hurt so much more.

My backup midwife arrived at some point, close to 10am I think. It was her day off though. I just remember her and Mary sitting quietly in the hallway while I continued to labour. The surges went up a few notches by around 1030am and I remember saying aloud that babe is going to be born at lunchtime. I was finding it hard to get comfortble now, and the pain was radiating into my back. Hubby was on hand holding and water pouring duty (pouring water from the pool over a flannel on my back = bliss). I was beginning to get sleepy at this point and dozed off between surges, not really noticing my backup midwife leave at 1130am to go to an appointment with the promise that she'd be back in time for the baby.

At this stage things happened fast. I had a burst of energy and decided my knees were hurting, so i rolled over into a sitting position. The next surge I had was the uncontrollable urge to push. It was time already! My midwife urged me to get back onto my knees, which I did and my hubby was kneeling in front of me on the floor. Thinking back, I had such a majot death grip on his elbows. The poor man must have been uncomfortable, but to his credit, he didn't utter a single complaint. My midwife made a quick call to another midwife who was nearby to come and be her backup.

I felt my little boys head move down into my pelvis and then the streeeeeeetch, oh boy did I roar as loud as I could and thanked my lucky stars it was midday and the neighbours probably wouldn't call the cops! My midwife happily stayed aside and snapped photos as my baby turned and my waters broke. She asked if either of us wanted to touch his head but I was still roaring away, I knew he would be big and I felt every bit of how big he actually was. Hubby wanted to touch him but my death grip on his arms could not be loosened. With one more giant roar, my little boy was born into the birth pool and floated up between my husband and I. I quickly pulled back and scooped my boy up into my arms and sat back in the pool. He was still quite blue and unresponsive, so we did a lot of talking and stroking to get him to respond.

At this point my midwife stated that she would give him a few puffs of air with the bag - she was quick and 2 minutes after he was born he finally gave a cry and opened his eyes to see what his mummy and daddy looked like. Even during all of this I didn't panic. His cord was still attached and pulsating. I got out of the pool and onto our bed so we could attempt breastfeeding and wait for the placenta to be birthed. Around now is when the second backup midwife arrived and she was disappointed that she missed all the action!! Our little boy, who we named Jye, latched on and had a long feed. It only took 30 minutes for the placenta to arrive.

Jye really was the big baby I expected, weighing in at 10lb with a 37cm head (and now you would understand the loud roaring I did!) It was the most amazing, empowering birth experience - to birth my baby at home without any intervention, just the way nature intended.

I found out in August last year that I was expecting again and now I am eagerly awaiting my second homebirth in around 11 weeks time. I just know it's going to be as amazing as it was the last time!

Tracey @ http://crazybeautiful.secretmothersclub.com

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Thank you so much for sharing that with us Tracey! Sounds like a wonderful birth story! I can't wait to hear all about the next homebirth you have.

~All pictures in this post were supplied by Tracey

* For the record, the family birth centre now do allow water births, as long as the midwife is considered capable and happy for it to happen

** Name changed for privacy

An attitude of gratitude

2010-02-26T16:37:00.006+08:00

Image from - http://59seconds.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/gratitude.jpg

So many people rort the system and try to milk it for everything they can. Whether it be the hospital system, welfare system or any other system you can think of. They just expect that everyone should give them everything because life is hard. Well guess what, life is hard for everyone! If you're not stressing about paying the mortgage or credit cards, then you're rich enough to freak out about someone stealing your kids and holding them for ransom.

Coming up to Christmas when our kids were little, a friend of mine (who I do love, despite what I'm going to tell you) and I were talking about presents for our kids. She said "You do know how to get your son one of the Kmart wishing tree presents don't you?" When I said I did not, she proceeded to tell me how to make out that we were extra poor and needed a present or else the child wouldn't get a Christmas present. Apparently just because I'm a single mum, it's easy for me to make out that I need lots of extra help. Now, I definitely did not apply to get my son a present off the wishing tree, because I would not be happy with myself for taking something that lovely people have donated thinking my son won't have anything, when of course my son has more than he needs. Every year since I had an income, I have always bought a present for the wishing tree, and there is no way I would think that it could be going to my best friend!! I still donate every year, because even if it is going to someone who is rorting the system, I like to think I have picked one of the kids that really need it.

I see it all the time at work. People who know the system get everything they need handed to them. They expect everything from us. Occassionally you get a new mother who is so thankful for what we have provided and given that it touched my heart. I was showing a pregnant couple around the hospital who were considering birthing there, and they told me the story of their previous miscarriage, which happened overseas, where they were not covered by insurance, and it cost them thousands of dollars. So, on top of the pain of miscarriage, they also had a massive bill that they needed to pay. The wife was gushing about how wonderful the hospital and labour wards were etc. and afterwards she asked me how much it will cost her to birth there. She had a medicare card, which in Australia means you are entitled to free public hospital care, when I told her it was free, she burst into tears and started thanking me profusely. I felt a little uncomfortable because that was what was expected here, I didn't expect her to be so grateful for that. She asked if I could be her midwife, I told her it didn't work that way, but we would see what happened when the time came. As it turns out, I was working in labour and birth suite when she arrived, and I was allocated to look after her. Fortunate :) We were all very glad that I was there for them.

So what is it that gives us this attitude of gratitude? Is it because we see how much worse it can be? Or is it a quality that some of us have had instilled in us since childhood? And the other people who don't seem to have it, have grown up with everyone around them expecting everything to be given to them? Is it something tha people consciously work on? Is it common? It doesn't seem to be. Perhaps that is due to the sample of people I see. Perhaps it's more common than I know. I hope so. People that approach life and everyday with gratitude, seem to have more of an open heart, more willingness to accept that things change, and seem thankful for everything that they have rather than focussing on what they don't.

image from - http://edea360.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/gratitude-rainbowspiral1.jpg

I try to live a life of gratitude and it's a great feeling. But that doesn't stop me from wishing I had a bigger house, or lived in a better suburb, or had more money. I just know that I am the only person that can change this, and I do not expect to be handed everything. I do wish that it would happen sometimes, but certainly not to the disadvantage of others, and if it really was all handed to me, how would I feel about it? I would certainly still be very thankful for whatever fortune had crossed my way to allow that to happen.

Aussie Red Dirt

2010-02-22T23:23:00.009+08:00

I like to take photos. Particularly of things I like and if it turns out great, then yay! These photos were taken in the hills near me. Very red dirt, very Australian, very "Watch out for snakes".

Gorgeous pic of my boy

2010-02-21T23:03:00.004+08:00

I love this photo I took of my son. He was throwing handfuls of sand into the ocean and frightened the birds you see flying. This was taken at sunset in Geographe Bay.

Homemade Herby Bread

2010-02-21T11:33:00.003+08:00

I felt like baking some bread yesterday. I found this book at mums house years and years ago, she said I could keep it. I LOVE it! It has so many cool ideas for herb gardens and what every herb is good for as well as cool recipes for different herby things. This bread is my favourite!

It's full of sundried tomatoes and rosemary and basil. I like it chock-full of sundried tomatoes and always put extra in.

I like it fresh out of the oven dipped in olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Sometimes I use my Indigo Grinds, but it was too much last night with all the other flavours in the bread. It also tastes really really good with cream cheese.

Lakae's Story

2010-02-20T10:02:00.005+08:00

Lakae (not real name) was asked by me, Lisa, if she would share her story to date with us and I was lucky enough that she said yes! This is her story as written by her. I edited place names and specific hospitals to keep privacy.

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Placenta Previa and PopTarts

Well, where do I start? I was having such a normal textbook pregnancy up until three weeks ago. But then I guess, part of me is not surprised that things have gone a little pear shaped. You see my mother didn't have much luck with us kids either. Back in the 80's, she gave birth to my older sister at 24 weeks, myself at 23 weeks and a brother between us, at 20 weeks who didn't survive. So I guess the fact that I'm even sitting here writing a blog about my own pregnancy is a bit of a spin out in itself. This is my first baby, my husband and I have been married for just over a year, and it took us about that long to fall pregnant. I'm grateful that we have been able to keep this little fellow right off the bat, with no previous miscarriages. We are being blessed with a baby boy. I'm also blessed that mine and my mothers conditions are two seperate and unrelated things. She was told back in the day that she had a weak cervix; I have minor placenta previa which is where the pear shaping all begins.

We found out my placenta was low lying on our 20 week scan (but I was so happy and blubbering over the fact we were having a boy I probably didn't take much notice as to what that actually meant). Everything was going well until about three weeks ago when I sprung a bleed, so called hubby and we drove out to the country hospital (we are from a little town in the northwest). Everything seemed fine and settled down and I was allowed to go home, but was to report back in if I continued to bleed. They did an ultrasound while I was there and told me my placenta had moved clear of the cervix, so I thought that would be the last of it. I was wrong. Exactly a week later, I sprung another bigger bleed, as well as a pretty scary looking clot, and once again tracked back to the hospital where I was kept in on close observation overnight. At about 8pm that evening, a midwife came in and told me and my husband that they were flying me down to the big city in the morning on an RFDS (Royal Flying Doctors Service) flight, and by the way here's some steroids for your baby's lungs. At this point I can admit I freaked out a little bit as I was only 25 weeks gone and the thought of my little boy coming before full term had always been a big fear in the back of my mind. I got the steroids done, and in the morning was flown to the big city hospital where I have now been for just over a week.

It's taken some strange mental adjustment to be here; as I'd had these big plans to come down to the city at the end of March, have a baby shower at my mums house for the little man, and then go on to have a full term natural birth (EDD: May 22). I don't mind being under the care of midwives here, there are a lot of lovely ladies that pop in and out that you have to bear the insides of your underwear to each day, which is always fun, and I feel much safer knowing I have someone on 24 hour call in case something goes really wrong and we have to deliver our little man early. But it's very strange when the universe throws you a massive curve ball. I consider myself a very spiritual (non-religious) person, so I'm trying to take things as they come and stick by the fact that all things happen for a reason. I have had another bleed since being here, again, on a Tuesday, and I'm still trying to work that one out. That's three in a row exactly a week apart (answer me that one because I don't get it!).

At the moment I am taking things one step at a time. There is not much I can do except sit and wait and see whether my placenta moves at our 32 week scan or whether it stays where it is which is too close to the cervix (contrary to what the sonographer at the country hospital said it seems!), and I would require a c-section. I don't mind having a c-section but the thought of having an epidural scares the bajeebers out of me. My mums friends died after having one of those and I think thats probably scared me for life, even though I know technology and medical advances have come a hell of a long way since. Either way, I guess I can't be selfish. It's not about me anymore, it's about the safety and wellbeing of my son, and that comes first. We are meant to be having a scan at 28 weeks which is next week sometime (currently 27 weeks gestation), I hope that will gove us some indication of how the placenta is going...
In the meantime, more waiting is in order as we hope that our little man wants to stay inside his bubble and bake some more, and hope that my placenta doesn't cause anything massive that requires an emergency birth. I will try and keep my stash of poptarts stocked, although I might have to lock them in my top drawer!!! (just kidding!)

Until potentially next week at this hospital...

Lakae and Little Man

P.S. I'm the one with the poptarts!! Bwahahaha!

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Thankyou so much for sharing that Lakae, and wishing you and your little guy lots of luck!!

What a Day!!!!

2010-02-17T21:05:00.003+08:00

Today was the busiest day I've had at work for a while. Apparently EVERYWHERE in the hospital was bursting at the seams. And for whatever reason, (read watching Winter Olympics) I was tired when I even started the day. It was a 12 hour shift. At dinner I nearly fell asleep in the tearoom. Yep, I still got dinner, that's always a bonus :) Thankyou to the wonderful midwives I worked with today, you were all brilliant! It was still a great day at work, just tiring.

And tomorrow after work I need to find poptarts. I saw someone have them today and they are sooooo hard to find here in Australia, and now I'm really craving them! Now I need my bed. So so so so so badly!

Goodnight all :) Hope you are all having a great week!

Holiday Dreaming

2010-02-16T11:41:00.009+08:00

With all the images of Vancouver on TV at the moment, it's making my feet extremely itchy. I want to go on a holiday again! What better way to try and ease my feet than to look at pics of old holidays? No actually that doesn't work. Makes me keener. I have an uncle who lives in Sweden. I haven't been to visit in 3 years. My photos from that trip are 3 years old, but some of them are here for your viewing pleasure. Luckily my Dad spent Christmas there and I have some awesome recent pictures of snow to share with you guys too! I think I need to save up for another holiday, although I would love to be in Sweden for midsummer celebrations, so maybe next time won't be snowy. Or I could visit Vancouver...? It's always been a dream of mine to go there, I definitely will get there one day! I don't know anyone there though. I'd have to sleep on the street! Oh wait, hotels? Never thought of that!!! Luckily I have a Bali holiday to save up for first!

Sleepy boy

2010-02-13T23:01:00.003+08:00

My son insisted on staying awake all night tonight. But he also wanted Reiki on his sore back (from playing to much, he said!). So he pulled out the massage table, set it up and told me to hurry up and give him Reiki. So I obliged for about 20mins. Then he wanted a back massage, so I got the lavender massage oil out. And of course, he loved that. Anyway, I finished, washed my hands and when I went back in to the loungeroom, he had fallen asleep on my massage table. So much for staying awake all night! But I did figure that would happen ;) The Magic Hands strike again, good to know I should be able to get him to sleep. Any time he'll actually lay still for me that is.

Wish me luck!

2010-02-13T17:58:00.002+08:00

My darling son took this pic of me whilst I was filling the car with petrol on our way home from a holiday 'Down South'. I think it turned out really well. I love the rain. And the fact that you can't really see me. LOL.

My son and I always have fun together. I realise though recently I've been a bit more grumpy than usual. I've been a bit stressed out and taking it out on him, which is never good. I'm going to make more of an effort to direct frustrations to where they should go and try to 'not sweat the small stuff'. He is a good kid and doesn't deserve to be yelled at. Normally I don't yell, and we resolve things easily. Need to get back to that. Wish me luck!

Teaching The Midwife

2010-02-09T16:53:00.005+08:00

Just because I have completed my study for midwifery, doesn't mean that I have finished learning. As a matter of fact, when I finished and finally became a registered midwife (3 years ago now!!!) one of my colleagues made the comment "Now the real learning can begin". And boy was she right! Since I graduated, I left the nice little midwifery led unit I trained at and completed a graduate program (consolidation year) in a tertiary hospital. My original plan was to go straight back to that unit I trained at, but after my year there, I realised I still have so much more experience to gain out of being in this hospital. So I am still here. Luckily there is a family birth centre attached that I can work at, so when I feel disillusioned with the medicalisation of childbirth, I book some extra shifts there.

The last shift I worked, I learned two amazing things about myself and how I view the world.

There was a baby withdrawing from the illicit substances its mother had been taking during pregnancy. I hate to admit it, but prior to a conversation we had, I found myself quite judgemental towards the mother. However, when we talked, she revealed different things to me and was extremely remorseful for what she had done. She was berating herself and saying it was all her fault. My initial reaction, I'm ashamed to admit, was to say 'yes, this is all your fault' but that would not have been helpful to her, nor in my nature to actually say something like that. But because of what she revealed, it made me think 'Who's to say that if I had been through similar circumstances, that I would not be like this person, and who am I to judge anyone?!' It was the first time that the saying my Grandmother used, made sense for me "But for the grace of God, go I". I take that to mean, I am who I am because of the things I have been through in this life and the grace of any higher being you choose to believe in, that has allowed me to have this great existance. So next time I have a baby withdrawing from illicit substances, or any patients that I find I am judging, I shall try to hold that saying in my heart and have some compassion for them, no matter who they are.

The other thing I learned, was, do not make blanket statements for your life and say 'if I get to such-an-age, I wont have anymore kids' because, unless I have a crystal ball (actually I do, but I mean in the sense of it clearly showing you the future) then I don't really know what's actually going to happen for me and not to discount the fact that anything could happen. I had my son quite accidentally when I was in my late teens. It's just been me and him since then, punctuated by a few not-very-serious relationships. I always imagined that by the time he was 10yrs, I would have met a lovely man, got married, settled down and had more kids. And there is no way on Earth I would get to 40, with a 21-22yo son, and have another baby then. My son is now 10, there is no sight of a decent man or more children in my future yet. And I don't actually mind. One of the new mothers had her first baby when she was in her teens. It was just the two of them, growing up together. She finally met her perfect man, got married and had a few babies with him. She was in her late 30's early 40's when all that happened. I was fascinated by this because as I said before, that was something that I just didn't want to consider happening for me. She said that she feels so totally blessed because she has had 2 completely different parenting experiences. When she was bringing up the first child, it was just the 2 of them and she described a relationship similar to what I have with my son. Which is fantastic in it's own right. She said that parenting when you are married to someone that you love so completely is another amazing experience, and she was thankful that she has been able to experience them both. It reaffirmed for me that it is OK to be single right now, and just focus on my son, and myself and enjoying everything around me at present. She told me that waiting for that person can take a while, but they will come. And the best thing for me to do in the meantime is to enjoy life and just be me.

Dragonflies

2010-02-07T14:20:00.002+08:00

Many of my friends have blogs. Many people I follow on Twitter have blogs. I have toyed with the idea of a blog for quite a while, like around 18months to 2 years. THATS procrastination for you. But here I am, finally. 'Why now?' you may ask, it's because I believe I am on the edge of a new period of my life and I'd like to share that with people interested and it will be beneficial for me to write it down. So just trying to figure this whole blog thing out and hoping I don't get it wrong. Luckily I've come to learn that if I get it wrong, it's no big deal. I'll just try again!

To me, dragonflies symbolize new beginnings so I figured what better title for my very first blog entry. Ever. I'm a bit nervous about doing this. I have a tendancy to either overshare or withdraw completely and not let anyone know what's going on. So why not just expand the craziness to include a wider audience.

I am a mother. I am a midwife. Expect random blog posts about neither topic. Expect posts about both and about everything. I like tattoos, faerie things, piercings, reiki, history, sci-fi, fantasy, frangipanis, water, greenery, daffodils, jasmine flowers, Margaret River Wine Region, chocolate, reading and I know there is much, much more that I like, but I'll get to it all eventually!

I am passionate about midwifery and motherhood. One of my favourite topics is expressing my views on midwifery - homebirth, medical intervention, caesareans etc. I am very pro midwifery and minimal intervention, but my experience so far has taught me that sometimes medical intervention is necessary and to keep an open mind.

I love dragonflies. They are gorgeous and ethereal and make me feel joyful as I watch them dance around my backyard. I have a pond that they love. On a warm summer's evening when I eat outside, I could just sit for hours watching them play. I have a tattoo of a dragonfly in-between my shoulderblades. I wear a dragonfly necklace all the time. Now as this is a lovely summer afternoon, I really should wash my car. On my front lawn of course, so I can water that at the same time. Maybe I'll wait til 6pm. From an environmental point of view, not a procrastinators one. Really.

*Edited to add the pic of my dragonfly necklace. This was when I bought it in January last year. I haven't taken it off since.